Sinking Sand

First photo taken with my new Lumix camera which has a 

better zoom and lots more settings....and lots to learn. So my photos may be a bit experimentally rubbish  for a while. Or I may just stay with point and shoot and hope for the best which is mostly what I do now, relying on the Leica lens which is so sensitive...

Layers of sweetness at The Old Mill Bakery in Lyme Regis on Saturday. Sticky Toffee Apricot Cake and Courgette, Lemon Pistachio Cake  - which was my favourite  - although both were 'exceedingly good' as Mr Kipling used to say in the 1960s or a very long time ago anyway.

She's one of Tati's - on top of a very long totem pole in her garden.  Her expression/stance says to me, 

 I made it up here all by myself so don't mess with me now.

Today, on a benign blue September morning, in a the attic of a long spacious barn, in the safe hands of a loving wise woman, with only sheep in the field to hear me, I say the unsayable, I think the unthinkable and shout it all with my closed fists into a big white cushion - staining it with mascara and all the trapped taboos and ancestral rules of my life.

I leave feeling lighter, unburdened, and with a sore throat and aching arms.

This afternoon my husband and I walk along the sea front at Sidmouth in dazzling heat, eating ginormous mango yoghurt and black cherry ice creams. And my earlier relief and clarity and hopefulness disappear like sinking sand as I listen to his voice and hear only my own resistance  - held fast in the tight darkness of my fist.

Till much later I read these words from Matt Kahn and feel the balm of their truth.

Featured Teaching

by Matt Kahn 

When it's not against the rules to be hurt, heartbroken, or irritated by the unconsciousness of others, you'll be surprised to notice how less often unconsciousness triggers you. As long as your goal is to not be triggered, you are unknowingly moving away from your true nature of innocent vulnerability. When this occurs, you are bound to discover more tumultuous circumstances to blame for the reactions that no one was ever born to control. 

No matter how desperately you attempt to control your experience, you are bound to recognize the fact that a spiritual journey has nothing to do with living a triggered-free existence. Instead, it is an inward journey home that is fueled by how willing you are to recognize each precious reaction, as an opportunity to love in yourself what is being transformed throughout the hearts of all.