We are walking in the garden 'rooms' of the NT's Lytes Cary Manor House - dating from the thirteenth century - deep in rural Somerset.
The sun is white hot....white foxgloves were all the rage at Chelsea this year apparently....
I love all varieties of daisy - their open, trusting confidence - don't know what this one is ....
We leave the gardens and enter the estate taking a wide cut grass path towards the river...past a whole planted field of this tall spindly-stemmed pale blue flax flower...
and a field of green wheat or maybe it's barley....
and this froth of cow parsley ( wild carrot?) everywhere...
along the river bank.
Back in the gardens, while we are looking for a bench to have our picnic, we find this fledgling blackbird in the grass by a yew hedge.....I don't want to get too close - she looks stunned, frightened...maybe she fell from the nest....tried to fly too soon....winded herself and now she's stuck....
The pale sunset beauty of this rose
is like the sky tonight over our house.
I feel like the baby blackbird now.... stunned, at a loss and stuck in the pictures I made and grew attached to and wanted to be true.....pictures about how it could be with my husband....
Last week he returned to his Tuesday evening ceramics class and made a clay model of a special dog. This evening when his teacher rings 15 minutes after the class started...... my first thought is that he hasn't arrived, he's had an accident ..... Instead she says he's on his way home....his dog has dried out...he didn't want to do anything else....she blames herself somehow.....says how much everyone likes him and the weird and wonderful things he makes.....how much he was like his old self last week.....
And all I can see are those long yawning empty hours and days and nights ahead...how to help him fill them.... when one by one all the things he used to love fall away....lost in the mire of his own self criticism....falling through the places where his brain cells used to be....needing me to love him ( and me) even more .....not less when my pictures fall apart.
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