The Day I Didn't Want

Beautiful Devon at this time of year.

 The bunch of wild garlic I 'borrowed' from Killerton Estate last week,

and  the first horse chestnut candles.

Rape field at Silverton nearby.

Another sort of wild garlic/Allium? 

Next door's clematis on our side of the fence.

The papery flowers of this bush in a big pot at the bottom of the garden, usually only last one day.

Nothing goes according to my plans today. I don't get anything I want or when I want it - just constant internal conflict.  I try to unravel it in the light of everything I learned yesterday.....

My loose plan - tethered with firm expectations  - looks like this :

10 -12ish Healing session here with new healer.

12.30 Husband returns from painting class.

 Lunch  12.30 or 1.30 depending when husband has his

 lie down.

2ish go to garden centre to buy trailing begonias to plant up hanging baskets.

Followed by long walk along river bank in shade at Otterton, followed by possible tea and cake at Otterton Mill afterwards.

Home by 5.30ish, make supper, do emails while husband has lie down and waters allotment before supper at 7ish.

This is what happens instead of my plan:

New healer gets lost trying to find our house, let down by her borrowed satnav - still not here by 11am so I postpone. And  feel bad about not being more empathetic as I'm hopeless with directions too, especially on my own in the car, and feel terrible if I'm delayed or late for an appointment.

I cut the daisies in the lawn and water the garden instead ......and feel I've lost my precious morning while my husband is out.

Husband wants to sleep before lunch so it's at 1.30 and agrees we'll go out by 2pm but I'm really hungry and eat an avocado before our asparagus and egg and toast feast under the umbrella on the patio.

2pm I'm ready to go. Husband says he wants to have another lie down. I faff about and waste the hour.

Get to the garden centre by 3.45. Spend ages choosing begonias, husband mostly in the loo - wait for him to carry stuff to the car.

On way to river walk at Otterton he says I know a good place to have an ice cream. Turns out he means Sidmouth.

So we never get to the river and the shade and the tea and the cake but sit on the pebbles by the sea  licking enormous ice creams in chocolate dipped cones...... while I smell the vinegar on hot chips of the people eating them on the promenade and think I'd prefer that......noticing how I can't give up my pictures of how I wanted my day to be and so how grumpy I am with my husband even though it's not his fault.

We agree to have supper at 7.30. I cook rhubarb with orange zest, put chunks of butternut squash into the oven to bake and make a salad with last night's left over veggies in a garlicky tahini dressing. But my husband sleeps on and on and I'm not really hungry after the ice-cream so I don't wake him till  8.30  when we sit and watch the finals of MasterChef on TV.

So I didn't have the day I wanted but I could have wanted the day I did have instead...... and saved myself all that conflict.