19th September 2012
Feel edgy, unsettled all day - do more stuff around my husband’s tribunal - letters, emails....a dear friend has volunteered to be an expert witnesss on the day....I feel so grateful, supported...
A woman comes to measure up for the bedroom curtains - she has a wonderful mane of glossy dark hair but her long metal tape measure doesn’t work. I lend her ours. I hesitate when she gives me the quote which is huge. But I love this material I’ve chosen - it’ll be like lying in bed and gazing at the sea and the sky behind a tracery of twining leaves and tiny flowers. And I know my mother would approve - it’s her money I’m spending on me.
A man arrives from Age UK to talk to my husband about having a buddy, a volunteer to come and spend time with him a few hours a week - doing anything he wants. It’s a voucher scheme - aimed to give me a break too. My husband is subdued, non commital. When the man describes the scheme and then says,
‘It’s not as dry as it sounds,’
my husband asks him what dry means.
He says he’ll go along with it. He takes the man upstairs and shows him all his weird and wonderful ceramic creatures. The man is impressed and says he thinks he knows a woman who is an artist who would be a good buddy for my husband.
When we are having lunch I ask my husband how it was for him. He looks upset and says it reminded him that he used to have clients coming to the house and it was easy to help them. He knew what to do.
So you’d rather be the helper than the helpee?
Yes of course, he says.
Me too. But I think I’m getting better at asking. Just have to remember not to be attached to the outcome....
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