Indestructible

Tuesday 15th March

Day 328

Egg Shell Cake

I’m astonished by the indestructibility of egg shell. Which is after all a protector of life.

Making a cake on Sunday, I broke an egg awkwardly on the edge of the Magimix funnel and half of it - shell and all - splurged into the whizzing butter, sugar and ground almond mixture. I thought the blade would pulverise it and it would blend in. But the unmistakable crunching sound, like grinding teeth, didn’t abate. So I scraped the whole lot into a bowl, put it in the fridge and started again with another chocolate polenta cake recipe. Making sure to break each egg into a cup before tipping it into the Magimix.

I can’t bear to waste food, so today I take the bowl of raw cake mixture flecked with tiny brown and white shards, out of the fridge and look at it, hopefully, stick a finger in and taste it. Grit on my tongue - cooking won’t change it - like thinking applying heat to gravel will melt it. I won’t give up though - it’s such a rich, sweet goo. In the end I sieve it - pushing spoonful after spoonful through the fine mesh - leaving the hard little interlopers behind and my glossy mixture as smooth as liquid glass. I make it into a lemon polenta cake. It’s in the oven now scenting the kitchen with hope.

Today I feel so blessed by the indestructibility of the huge love in my life. ‘I’m thinking of you’, they say, these Dearly Beloveds, on the phone, in emails, in cards, in hugs, in spoonfuls, in armfuls - circling me, keeping me alive.