The park is becoming my second home.
The kitchen has always been my first home, place of refuge, place of soup and cake therapy.
But suddenly, since yesterday, it doesn't feel so warm and safe.
For the last four months I have been burning a fat pillar candle in the centre of the kitchen table. Day and night - replacing it with a new one as the old one goes out. A candle flame vigil for Robin. I didn't think what the fall out would be of this constant burning wick. Now the walls and ceilings and doors and picture frames and light fittings and curtains are covered in a sticky sooty film.
This morning I unhooked the curtains from their rail and took them to the cleaners. I've arranged for someone to come and do a deep clean next week. If I can wait that long.
And I've blown out the candle out.
But I'm still keeping his light alive. Burning inside my head and my heart.
And I've bought an electric pillar candle. A constant, clean light flickering on the mantlepiece, day and night.
The vegan birthday cakes. Sticky ginger,
and all dried fruit. Both appreciated and enjoyed tonight at my Deeksha meditation group.
But still 'works in progress' in my book.....especially if I can make them gluten free as well....
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