Every Small Kindness

In the Gardens of Cornwall......

Trelissik

The Maze at Glendurgan.

The Mud Maid and 

The Giant's Head at the Lost Gardens of Heligan.

 At the weekend for my husband's birthday we rent a little cold cottage in Mevagissey and under heavy grey skies we wander slowly round some of the  most beautiful sloping gardens of Cornwall hampered by my bandaged big toe inside my biggest boots..... and with long stops for tea and cake.

Tonight, in the cosy sitting room of our movie group, eight of us watch a wonderful film which fills me with hope and inspiration. It's called I Am by Tom Shadyac.  He is a famous film maker and after a bicycle accident and suffering long term depression caused by his concussion started to re-evaluate his life and asked two questions -

What's wrong with the world 

and how can we change it?

 And we can - by every small kindness to each other... seemingly unnoticed but as powerful  and precious as the thrumming wings of a honey bee.

Get a copy and watch it.

www.iamthedoc.com/‎

Lettuces ,Squashed Eggs, An Allotment and Sandals

Portrait  at Lake Te Anau NZ

Driving to the Private View tonight the traffic is snarled up all the way to Exebridges. My husband spots a blue light flashing on a police car and imagines an accident.

I divert him with ideas for supper. Then he says,

Were there any lettuces?

I wonder what starts with the letter L that he's thinking of....

You know, the things that come through the door.

Letters?

Of course, what are lettuces then?

I tell him and we laugh.

And yes there was a letter from the neurologist about the anti-depressants he's suggesting my husband takes if he finds that his 'emotionality is becoming bothersome'.

We discuss eggs for supper. I explain what an omlette is but he doesn't have a picture of it he can recall.   So he says,

Would you like them poached or boiled or squashed instead?

 I make up a vivid picture of squashed eggs.

I think you mean scrambled......it does start with S too...

An ambulance speeds past us in the opposite direction with its siren blaring. 

Oh no, an allotment, he says, his face crumpling and tears coming.

The anti-depressants may help you with that, I say - not to be so upset when you hear an ambulance.

Anti-depressants? he says.

I explain. And we also talk about using the Emotional Freedom Technique he's learning in these situations. But not when driving as it involves two hands tapping.

It's cold when we finally get through town and start walking to the Age UK offices where the art exhibition  is being held.

 You haven't got sandals on, he says.

No, I say but I know he means gloves as he is pulling on his own - the usual starting-with-the-same- letter guessing game not necessary in this case.

The exhibition called Faces of Older People by Rachel Jamieson is brilliant, moving and inspirational.

And I'm so thrilled that she is going to paint my husband's portrait - she works from photographs and she's in the process of trying to get a photo of him in profile when he's not pulling a silly face....

Check her out this weekend as part of Exeter Open Studios or find her at 

www.rachaeljamiesonportraits.com/‎

And now I'm getting hungry for my squashed eggs.......

Doubting

In the wake....Doubtful Sound, NZ

Doubting I have anything to say... I remembered this joy of a poem by Samantha Reynolds and found these crumbs...................

The room with the lights turned low is bubbling with seated conversations.

You stand, you clap your hands. The voices hush and the faces turn to you.

Ladies and Gentlemen you announce in your big best tones.

And you say Thank You in the way that you do, with your hands clasped at your heart, with your smile reaching out.

Thank you to these friends. For their cards and their gifts, for the fruit birthday cake and the tender hearted biscuits.

And for their love in your life.

Which flows over to me at the back of the room, melting with gratitude, and praying that words don't let you down or you repeat yourself too much.

Or that my secret, shameful fears for you will tarnish this night.

A manifesto for the uncreative When your brain feels clotted as gum just make something happen steal an idea and let your mind dangle in the invisibleness of it take your pen or a tree and stare at it until it starts telling you secrets clap your hands until they burn you will unstick only by prying yourself open and if all you find inside are crumbs then set the table and feast.

Happiness In A Graveyard

The church and daffodil graveyard at Chagford on Dartmoor this afternoon after a delectable but miniscule  fishcake lunch - made up for by the generous company of dear friends - and tea and polenta cake later in a different cafe.

It's late and I'm lost for words tonight. My big toe is red and sore and throbbing - self inflicted infection after digging around with scissors last night....now bandaged with dressing of Manuka honey....will succumb to antibiotics tomorrow if no relief....need to be able to get walking boots on at the weekend when we are going to Cornwall for my husband's birthday.

Been thinking about Robert Holden's favourite Proverb - 

He who tickles himself can be happy whenever he wants. 

Which means breathing in the drifts of daffodils in the churchyard, letting them bless my day with their short lives....

and not thinking immediately afterwards  If my husband was here he'd be sad and upset and thinking about death..... and all the people who died in the war..... and his parents... and mine.... and all the pain in the world.....and miss all that fragile butter-yellow beauty between the gravestones. 

And so I wonder how can I hold on to my happiness in those moments when his heart is turned away from the sun?

Coconut Rice Pudding

  Fresh coconuts and

Pomelos and 

Leis....

 in Little India in Singapore.

Kitchen beaming with vases of daffodils and sunshine - 

mine for the afternoon

 while husband walks in Somerset with brother-in-law.

I stand at the stove 

stirring a pan of strawberry and redcurrant ruby jam.

Then another one  - the hidden depths of last year's black currants.

 In the oven, perfumed cake rises

and cracks open its burnished top

showing almondy fruity lava.

Tender sweet promise

of husband's birthday 

still to come.

And then my once a year 

indulgence - 

stove-top rice pudding.

Except this time

no butter no milk no cream.

Just the contents of a coconut

or several coconuts in a can

and the black sticky scrapings of a vanilla pod

all the way from India.

Simmered to a soft white bumpy sea

ready for its pebbly wave of black currant compote

and pool of Maple syrup.

Waiting for a spoon

 and a husband 

to come home.

Thank you to My New Roots for inspiration...

http://www.mynewroots.org/site/2014/01/coconut-black-rice-breakfast-pudding/

Are You Sure You Don't Want Anything To Eat?

At Coleton Fishacre House and Gardens near Kingswear, South Devon, on Saturday Morning.

Magnolia blooms coming to the end of their petal life...

Giant snowdrops?......Leucojum ?

Into the depths of Camellia...

 View from the bottom of the garden at Coleton Fishacre...

Snake's head Fritillary...

The beginnings of Gunnera....

Fire of Cotoneaster...

Saturday evening 7.30

You discover me in the dark sitting room, in my tangle of blankets, wrapped around the hot water bottle you filled for me after we got home after our trip to Coleton Fishacre ( which you read as Fishcake and which makes me laugh).

You : How are you feeling?

Me : Sick. Will you pull the curtains and come and talk to me for a bit?

You : Of course. Your face is long and crumpled and worried. Can I get you anything? Do you want some supper?

Me : No I don't want to throw up again. Will you make yourself some cheese on toast?

You: Is there any bacon?

Me: In the freezer, but I don't want to show you how to make French Toast now.

You: No, but I could just have the bacon.

Me:  The smell of cooking bacon would make me feel more sick right now.

You: I could fry it.

Me: That would be worse.

You : Do you want the fire on?

Me : No, I'm burning hot already.

You: Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?

Me: You could bring me a glass of water.

I think about asking you to bring me some paracetamol but I can't remember if it's in a red or a blue packet or which drawer it's in and you don't know what it is anyway.

Me: Really, when I'm sick I just want to be left alone.

You: I understand.

Me: Do you? Do you want to be left alone when you are sick?

You: No, but I know we're different. Basically you are saying F**** Off.

Me: Just for a bit. While I concentrate on not vomiting.

You: I'll make some supper then. Shall I eat it in here or in the kitchen?

Me: Kitchen, please.

You: Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?

Then you bring me some water and close the door so I can't smell the toast or hear Mamma Mia on the CD player. Thank you for thinking of that. And for leaving me alone for a little while.  Sometimes NOT doing something is more helpful than doing something.......

Pendants and Crowns

Pendant Helibore bud

Helibore -  wide open

Patio pot primrose

 Green Stone Jade pendant - late 60th birthday gift from my dear family which I bought in New Zealand.

Spring Equinox in the garden today - I nip out to take photos between freezing showers and bursts of sunshine.

I'm feeling the effects of a mouth full of novacaine after a visit to the dentist this afternoon to get a temporary crown made  - after  a piece of my tooth broke off when we were in Cromwell in New Zealand last month. My lip is still prickly numb, my gum sore and throat scratchy, my head hurts and I'm grumpy I can't eat yet and when I can it'll have to be all very soft. Maybe rice or mashed potatoes...

I love my Jade pendant - which I bought in Hokitika. The note in the box says it's made from Flower Jade also known as Picture Jade because of all the different colours and patterns in the stone, unique to New Zealand. I was warned to only buy NZ jade as there are imports from other countries in the shops as well....

The design is the Triple Twist-Crossover which symbolises the bond of eternal friendship. I didn't know all that when I bought it but I love symbols.....and you can't really see it in the photo but it's very beautifully carved. 

 Everyday I am eternally grateful for the deep circle of love and friendship which crowns my life......