Easter Weekend

Easter weekend

 My new poppy curtains...

Suddenly it's warm and springlike and I cut the grass for the first time and clean a few windows.

The garden is green and pale - the tulips still folded buds...

 the hellebore  turned inward....not a single daffodil - don't know what happened to them...

lots of Euphorbia though

and primroses.

On Sunday we find the colour of spring has arrived at Knights Hayes Court, NT house near Tiverton in this forest of plum purple hellebores. We join the crowds wandering round the gardens under a hot blue sky, but avoid the Easter egg hunt trail and find a shady spot in the woods for our sandwich picnic balanced on a knobbly log with lovely Devon views in front of us. 

Don't know what this bee is feasting on..

Mahonia - Californian Grape - it has a powerful perfume and spiky red leaves....

Rhododendron

Camellia

Magnolia

more magnolia and

Quince japonica.

Back home after tea with my husband's aunty, and after supper,  he says What are we having for dessert?

I hadn't planned anything but as it's Easter I made an instant pudding with bananas from the fruit bowl....

Melt butter and dark muscovado sugar in a pan, add the sliced bananas, and cook till sticky and caramelised adding the juice and grated zest of an orange to cut the sweetness and give a tang to the sauce. Toasted coconut shards - optional. Vanilla ice cream a must.

Tough Repair Hand Cream

Last days in Portugal.....

Good Friday 9am  - I park outside Central station in Exeter and don't have to pay as it's a bank holiday. My husband gets a discount on his train fare with his disabled rail card. I wait with him on the platform till the train comes. He says he knows to get off in Honiton in 25 minutes but I still worry he'll miss the stop.

The town is blissfully quiet and empty...I buy aromatic birthday presents and a small jar of organic hand cream full of macadamia oil and lavender for my sore, cracked and stained fingers called "Gardener's Tough Repair Hand Cream". Not that I've been doing much gardening.....just the usual kitchening. 

Welcome home breakfast with friends returning from NZ is a delicious respite treat while my husband is in the kind hands of my brother -in-law.

 Afternoon allotment plans are spoiled by cold grey drizzle and I feel restless, unsettled and weary without an ounce of desire to do anything at all.

I'm learning a new practice though....when I say inside my head,

I don't want to do this....I don't want to care for my husband. I want to runaway and hide.

Instead of replying,

Well tough, that's what you have to do.

I imagine the frightened little girl inside me and say instead,

Oh sweetheart, it's OK to hide, it's OK to not feel safe, you don't have to come out, I still love you.

Soothing words - tough-less hand cream repair for my sore cracked heart.

Stork Perspective

Breakfast in the Algarve last week - the oranges heavy as melons weighted with juice.....

Lookout....

Storks homemaking on every high spot in Portimao...

nesting.....

arguing...

making up...

waiting for the bus....

a ruin that used to be a convent....

new paint...

church in the central square..

regal curlicue....

 Wonderful women - statues on a roundabout in middle of busy road....

the best pistachio and coconut ice-cream ever - Italian of course...

which we ate in the shade under this date palm in the main square.

 Today - such a relief to have my car back with a shiny new clutch. Tomorrow my brother-in-law is going to take my husband to look at reliable Japanese cars   - well, at least  sit in a few Toyotas and Hondas and Nissans - see if he likes them....then we need to decide what to do.....take another view.....get some perspective....like the high storks. To be continued....

Keeping up my resolve to get more sleep so going to bed....notice I'm dreaming a lot recently but can't quite catch them in the morning....and sometimes wake with a racing heart as if from another busy dimension.....

Heartbreak is how the heart becomes wise.....

Last week in the Algarve...my husband hurt his foot so I walked alone along the cliffs and collected shells on the beach- taking my time.....we caught the bus into the town for coffee and cake and got a taxi back.....we argued about what to do about the broken down car at home...repair it/scrap it? We ate tuna/cheese salads on the terrace.....and grilled sea bream at the cafe on the beach - 3 minutes walk away. When the sun went down we watched  DVDs on my laptop - Mamma Mia and Shrek for  him and Castle Series 5 for me while he played solitaire on the iPad. While he slept in the afternoons I read my novel and the wonderful Dr Christiane Northrup's book, Goddesses Never Age..... the sort of book you want to underline every second sentence.

These are some quotes which inspired me....

To become wholehearted is to accept where you are NOW, have compassion and understanding for yourself and reject the cultural belief that SELF CARE is self centred and wrong...

Heartbreak is how the heart becomes wise because it has to be cracked open for you to experience Divinity.

Emotions are the language of the body and also a record of the past.....feeling and releasing challenging emotions of anger grief and resentment is the pain that ends the pain.

And I like this petition prayer - 

Divine Beloved, please change me into someone who trusts that the perfect outcome in this situation has already been chosen. Change me into someone who can relax and let go.

The highlight of my day - a delicious tall friend comes round and helps me to hang my new poppy sprayed curtains which make my room into a sweet floral haven.

The low-light of my day - my husband comes home unexpectedly from his walking group two hours early  - he didn't want to walk.... but after a little while I got used to it and just let it be ....relaxed and let go....