Sunday afternoon - a short wander in the gardens of the National Trust's Knights Hayes Court after my second tuna baked potato lunch of the weekend.....I was amazed to find a poppy still in flower in October.....and actually so much is still blooming in this glorious Indian summer.
It was such a beautiful day today I took Robin with me to my dental appointment in Ottery St Mary so we could go somewhere afterwards - I was hoping for a walk but knew it might just be coffee and a cake. We ended up on the coast at Branscombe and I compromised - tea and muffins with a wonderful view - the long sweep of the bay in brilliant sunshine, and a short stroll along the pebbly path above the sea till it petered out at the beach.
I didn't have my camera with me but I always associate Branscombe now with this Christmas Day late afternoon in 2012 - the first one without my father.
This afternoon, 20th October 2015, in the sitting room with Robin asleep above us, our lovely Community Psychiatric nurse listens to me and all my anxieties while I cry a little and sniff a lot.... overwhelmed by her kindness and truth telling.
She says I don't have to try and be a saint..... and berate myself because I shouted NO at Robin on Sunday .....and that I'm not responsible for his happiness.....only mine. It's just that I forgot not to go zooming into the future of what ifs .....if he can't use his right arm at all then I'll have to do more than just cut his toenails and get his wallet out of his pocket and unscrew the top of the fizzy water bottle...
But we're not there yet. So this evening instead of planting the spring bulbs we drive to Killerton House and meander through the rooted majesty of giant trees getting ready to release their leaves into another autumn dusk......reminding me to keep hold of his hand....and keep the other one on my heart.
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