A Healed Past

 All day long a shadow companion has been walking with me, living in my head as I go about the tasks of my everyday. 

 A much younger self - a nearly 40 years ago self.

As I buy lettuces in the market..... try on a dress for my niece's wedding...... make egg mayo lunch for my husband....... fill out the dreaded Care Assessment form....... drive off to the garden centre to buy hanging basket liners for my begonias........ answer emails........ water the sweet peas and the tomatoes at the allotment...... pull up 13 spears of asparagus.........cut the daisies in the lawn........fill the hanging baskets with compost and trailing begonias....... scrub the new baby carrots and snap the first broad beans out of their pods for supper..........all that time I'm remembering her.

And feeling a new lightness - as if my heart has shed some kilos that I didn't even know were still weighing me down after 40 years - kilos of regret  and sadness and self recrimination laid down.

Thank you to the dear one, an old flame, who reached out across the miles, took my hand and gently led me through that slippery mountain pass with compassion and humour, understanding, forgiveness and love - a gift to both for us.

Giving me back a healed past and  putting a smile in my heart now.