Last week's sunset......last week's moon, Praia de Rocha in Portugal.
Sunrise this morning in Exeter.....from my husband's room on the top floor of our house. The roof of these flats opposite us used to be the home of a family of four seagulls...till someone shot the male with a pellet gun.. which is illegal. Now there's just a nest of barbed wire over the chimney and no birds.
We aren't sending Christmas cards this year so I'm thinking about how to write a letter instead....looking back over the year.....looking for the changes....looking at the griefs......looking into the silver linings... wondering how to say it.
At the beginning of this journey - four years ago - after my husband's diagnosis of Semantic Dementia - every new loss felt like a deep to-the-bone wound which would never heal. Now each one feels more like a paper cut in my thumb - quick, sharp, ouch, and over.
Today's paper cut moment....we are driving back from visiting an art exhibition....listening to Classic FM on the radio.....a carol - The Holly and the Ivy - is playing.
Me - Do you recognise it?
Him - No, I've never heard it before.
Ouch - I see a picture in my mind, some other Christmas, some other time, some other life - we are standing in a pew in a church, singing carols - (at least he's singing and I'm whispering the verses). He smiles at me, his lovely voice carrying the tune of The Holly and the Ivy - up to the rafters and back - not even reading the words which he knows by heart.
Quick, sharp, ouch and over. I take a breath, look out at the skeleton trees, flashing past the window and ask him,
What would you like for supper?
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