Bellever Tor, Dartmoor, on Saturday. My husband doesn't remember the name of this place but he remembers exactly where he slipped and fell hard, hurting himself, on the steep tussocky climb up to the top. Even though it was many years ago. His wounds linger longer than his words.
Today I made foodie presents to take to dear Portuguese friends when I go back to the Algarve with my sisters on Friday. Sesame Cheese Biscuits - delicate as lace. Coconut Cranberry Flapjacks - dense fat squares speckled with pecan nuts. I just hope they travel well and don't arrive in a mish mash of crumbs.
I've also been stocking up the freezer with meals to leave for my husband and wonderful brother-in-law who's coming to stay in the house while I'm away. A Salmon Thai Green Curry, a Savoury Tomato Minced Beef Stew, an Aubergine, Red Pepper and Prawn Indian Curry and a list of store cupboard options. I know they may not eat them - may live on toast and biscuits - but I'm struggling with letting go....trying to replicate myself in my absence.
I know in my heart my husband will be safe and well in the good and loving hands of those who will be taking care of him - I just need to let my worrying brain know that too. That it may be a relief for him to have a break from me.....away from the sight of my frowning face.....thinking my tiredness is all his fault. Better to think we are giving each other a gift - the gift of trust - and then surrender to it.
Like stocking the freezer with faith instead of doubt.
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