I'm looking for beauty on our late afternoon walk by the River Exe. The smell from the water treatment works isn't great, the hum of the pylons over our heads makes me jittery, the roar of the traffic along the motorway means we have to shout to each other. The footpath is muddy, overhung by straggly Buddleia bushes still clinging to their dead brown flower cones. Not a daffodil or crocus in sight.
But if I let go of my pictures of spring bursting out all over in sunny pink and white blossom and keep looking at what is right in front of me I can see imperfect beauty in anything - feel it through the wind freezing my fingers.....focus on what's there instead of what isn't there....
My husband needs to go to get the tyres on his car checked after my brother in law notices one of them is nearly flat and has to pump it up and I notice another one has gone down a lot in the night - the RAC had to change one last week after a blow out. I write a note in my best hand writing about the history of the tyres.... and what I want done...... and ask my husband to give it to the man at the garage I spoke to this morning. I explained why it's hard for my husband to describe what happened and that he won't know what a slow puncture is.
We have several conversations on the phone while my husband is at the garage and between us all it works out.....it only costs £20 to re-seal, and unbend the rims of the tyres.....but may need a whole new wheel if he drives into another pot hole....
He drives a lot now - long distances - revisiting the places of his old life.....driving through his grief.... with the music turned up loud.
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