24th February 2012 Friday
I should have eaten breakfast because I can’t eat lunch - what with my mouth full of novacaine - my lips all fat, my nose all numb and my eyes watering. Even trying to drink water is hopeless as most of it ends up on my jumper. The dentist said it would wear off in three hours. Part of me likes the feeling of being drugged, numb - only I wish it extended to my heart.
Five hours later we are having our NHS couples councelling session. I mumble my way through it with my floppy lip. Our two lovely therapists recommend my husband has some individual sessions first as his issues seem to be deep and intractable - we never get to us in the time we have. They offer support to help us do more stuff together - like going for walks, cooking together - being intimate. My husband says I only do stuff with him because I’m being nice to him. He doesn’t think it counts - being willing even when you don’t feel like it.
Wandering round Waitrose later we break all our diet rules and choose a picnic supper - a long crusty baguette, mature cheddar cheese, baby tomatoes, olives and crisps - molten chocolate puddings and chocolate custard. When my lips finally start tingling and I can swallow and chew again we eat in front of the TV, watching Doctor Who, the scrabble board set up on the table for afterwards.
An intimate thing to do.
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