Muffled

14th January 2012 Saturday

The tears come today - at any time, anywhere....... sitting with dear friends in a cafe for breakfast, the windows all steamed up.......

talking to an old school friend on the phone - we grew up together in Zambia - our fathers worked together.....

finding a card from my father with the face of Boticelli’s Venus on the front - he wrote it a year ago on 12 01 2011.....he says - ‘I have read your recent blogs and see clearly your gift for writing was given to you for a purpose....’

opening a beautiful card from a dear friend - she quotes Thomas Campbell

‘To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.....’

seeing in my diary that I had written ‘visit Pa 4pm’...........

sitting on the sofa with my husband, playing a game of scrabble and suddenly it hits me like the optician’s puff of air in my eyeball ......I will never hear my father’s voice again.....I know it's true but I can't quite believe it - like when my husband says, 'What does parental mean?'........

Crying when you have a cold makes it much worse - now my ears are blocked too - everything muffled - like being stuck in a glass box.