Crying

13th May 2011 - Friday

I couldn’t publish my blog last night or all day today.

‘ An error has occurred,’ it said on the website, ‘we are trying to fix it’.

Lots of crying today. This morning my wise and dear sister reaches for my hand across the dining room table while I screw my tissues into wet balls. We both end up with a headache.

This afternoon I curl up in the big chair in the sitting room and my coaching friend catches my tears in her web of questions as I reach for the sadness below my misplaced need to rescue my husband.

Tonight we pass on the landing, he’s going upstairs and I’m going down. We stop and he holds me while I weep into his neck. He says he did his crying this morning in his healing session.

Later I ask him, ‘what do you want for supper?’

‘Not eggs,’ he says.

So I chop the garlic and ginger and shoot it into hot oil with onions and red peppers, carrots and pak choi and stir fry it to just-cooked brightness, while he pours the wine and brushes the long coat of our pussy cat.

I notice I still have a headache but that could be the wine. And I did catch myself, too late, making a helpful suggestion while we were in the bath. But I let that one go - just an error I don’t need to fix now.