11th November 2011 Friday
Today a dear friend reminded me in an email that our lives are felt in moments - and significant moments are simply the ones we remember. When I trawl back through my day to write this blog - to choose a moment or two - I realise how often I’m not even present in my moments or I’m judging and criticising or fretting and complaining.....
A moment I do remember today..... I knock very softly on my father’s door and push it open. The room is almost dark. I can make out his shape in the chair, his head fallen to one side, his legs stretched out on a stool. I can hear his breathing, his sleeping breath. The floor boards creak as I walk towards him, so I stop and wait. He doesn’t wake. I sit down in a hard chair at his feet and look out of the window. Although it’s so gloomy in the room and it’s drizzling outside there is a glowing light coming from the red and gold and yellow leaves of the bushes in the garden below us. And a pale grey sheen in the sky.
I’m afraid the carer will come in with his afternoon tablets. I’m like a guard dog with twitching ears ready to leap up to the door to stop her waking him. I stay like that for a little while keeping my father company while he sleeps. It comforts me to imagine him opening his eyes and seeing me - finding he isn't alone after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment