14th September 2011 Wednesday
Today I wanted to give myself up to the long curves of Dartmoor under a blue and white sky. I wanted her noisy brown rivers to drown out the racket in my head. I longed to bask in the open hearted company of our dear friends as we walked her sharp stoned paths. I wished I could let the gales of laughing blow away my jealousy and my shame.
I’m jealous of anyone who I think is normal. Ashamed that I think my husband isn’t. Afraid I’m losing sight of him - my eyes and ears always on alert now for that word that eludes him - making him smaller than he is.
I’m just really missing him.
I found myself here via Belinda's blog (cannot bring myself to call her Mad Woman) - have read some of your posts. Enjoyed your writing.
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