Thirty years ago today. The beginning. Showered with confetti. Our little bridesmaid, my sweet niece, shares the same wedding anniversary today - 8 years ago for her.
This morning, while Robin is out with his favourite Age UK enabler, my sister comes and helps me to fill out long forms for Lucerne House. One about Robin's life history, his school days, his career, the important people in life, his interests, so they know he was. And the other an Advanced Care Plan. About his wishes at the end if his life - does he want to be resuscitated in the event of heart failure or kept alive with breathing apparatus....? He doesn't. I have already filled in a similar form and talked to him about it first.
All the staff at the home are very concerned that he isn't eating and drinking very much. And keep tempting him with different drinks and spoonfuls of food. Today he refused breakfast but ate a small pureed lunch. I didn't ask pureed what.
This afternoon I bring him red roses and chocolates. We wheel him into the lounge and show him the photos on my computer of our anniversary tea. I feed him a mango smoothie and my sister is a witness to him eating half the box of chocolates. I eat the other half just to encourage him.
All the carers are very happy about it and it gets written down in his food and fluid chart - 7 chocolates and 180ml juice.
Every ounce and millilitre feels like a mini triumph.
Later the activities lady comes in with her dog, Lily. She and Robin have a silent exchange of looks.... Robin makes his funny faces at her but she seems to have a perfect understanding of who he is. No life history form filling necessary.
This was the beginning.....all that life history in the middle ....and the ending advancing now.....stalking us with food charts and breathing machines and wheelchairs .....but never touching all that love in our hearts .....beyond breath and bone.
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