A delight - Christmas lunch for three at home - my Salmon En Croute stuffed with watercress, leeks, ruby chard and I can't remember what else - but it was good.
And then suddenly we were two at the table as Robin wanted to go and lie down after two mouthfuls of dinner. Maybe too much excitement after lovely unexpected visitors and opening lots of presents - mostly clothes from M&S and sweet things to eat from me.
My sister's divine Christmas pudding. I've now frozen all the left over mince pies and Christmas cake but I'm still enjoying this pudding - a tiny sliver (well, not always tiny) every evening with a chunk of hard sauce ( the Methodist version of brandy butter) - making it last till I taste it again next Christmas. I've abandoned all thoughts of New Year Resolutions and giving up sugar. Can't get through a day without a bit of sweetness at the moment.
The criss cross red ribbon and Pointsettia - in honour and memory of my grandparents and their first Christmas in China.
My nod to a late Christmas cake which no one had any room for - frozen now.
After Christmas - the meringue roulade ( full of lemon curd, cream and raspberries) a request from my elder sister for her birthday lunch which she shares with my brother-in-law and which we all celebrated in Luton on 28th December.....a feast of family and little ones.... when I met and held my new one month old great niece for the first time - a sweet joy.
So that was Christmas......full of cooking and travelling and family and friends..... all that hospitality and love that the Archbishop of Canterbury spoke of.....all worth it to see Robin's face light up in every embrace....he'd talked of nothing else for weeks.
Today Robin drops and breaks two china mugs - slipping from his fingers like feathers. He manages to trap a glass between his leg and a kitchen cupboard to stop it crashing to he floor. He knocks over his big cookie jar of sugared nuts which scatter over the counter and he can't scoop them back. I've taken back the job of washing up. I don't mind - it's worse to see his distress and the effort it costs him to do anything now.....pulling on his jumper......shaving with two hands...... trying to put the key in the lock...... eating squares of cheese on toast...... getting out of the chair.
I'm not sure how much I should help him.....I encourage him to keep doing as much as he can but everything takes so long....we have to allow extra time now to get out of the house on time.
This morning after his EFT session with our lovely healer I slipped into total hopelessness. After all the work she did with him on choosing when and if to say his PBW phrases it seemed it had made no difference at all.....and then I noticed at the end of this day how much calmer he was ...hardly a single PBW had passed his lips.
She also said to him that even though he can't do stuff any more he can still show his love - you don't need your arms to do that. He agreed then he said,
But what sort of person would love me back if I say all this crap all the time?
I said,
I love you back whatever you say or do.
Which is true. It's also true that sometimes I think I'll go screaming mad if I hear him say PBW one more time. So Matt Kahn's contemplation for today really helped me to breathe more easily.
Today's contemplation: “Why is getting your way a more definitive sign of spiritual alignment than not getting your way? What if things didn’t have to constantly change in order for you to believe how supported you always are?”
~ Matt Kahn
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