What I wasn't prepared for - in the Skype session with Matt Kahn last night - was having my heart prized open and the truth of me placed there with so much love and compassion.
This is what he offered me...
That I need to accept that the Robin I knew, the man I married has gone. He isn't coming back and I need to say goodbye to him.
That while I'm in denial and in this cycle of grief trying to take care of him as well only brings resentment.
That verbalising my feelings, being vulnerable to him will bring us closer together as we are both grieving the loss of who he was.
And that it's important I do this every day - say all the things I want him to hear while he can still understand, so I won't regret it later.
So I can be with the new Robin as he is now.
And I can love myself through the fear of it all by taking time out on my own, two minutes at a time, to chant my mantra of
It's OK, you are safe, I love you.
It feels like a big deal for me....I've always been rubbish at saying goodbye and even worse at being vulnerable.....but I can feel the truth of it...... pulling open my heart.
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