A New Pen

Lyme Regis/Golden Cap today on the Friday of August bank holiday weekend.

My brother and sister and I sit for a long time after we finish our salad lunch in the cafe,

 the bill waiting unpaid on the table,

 the sun sneaking in under the umbrella, 

burning our arms,

 an empty chair next to me

where my husband was sitting

before he drove home.

 Missing our big sister,

to knit us into four again

one last time.

 The tears coming easily behind my sunglasses as we talk, 

realising I can't go on like this,

 trying to make it normal. 

Like tweaking a recipe,

 adding a spice, 

reducing the sugar

 and trusting it'll still taste the same

 or better 

 but still sweet.

It's a totally different cake now

  beyond tweaking.

 Only re-writing will do.

With a new pen

filled with the ink

 of Grace.