Jam Volcano

These are three of our enviable strawberry crop in 2009,

 and this year's red currants.

Making jam with them this morning - the strawberries from Waitrose Essential range.

 The recipe says bring it up to a rolling boil that you can't stir down. With jam sugar ( pectin added) you only have to boil it for 10 minutes - but I do keep stirring the frothy volcano to stop it splurging over the sides of the pan. There is nothing worse than burnt jam on your hob.

The end result - I'm not totally happy with it as most of the fruit rose to the top of the jar - but I'm trusting it'll taste like strawberry and redcurrant jam.

When we get home this evening from a long hot trip to the big industrial estate in Exeter, looking for the wheel repair garage ( which we find in the end and find the wonderful man who is going to mend my husband's bent alloy wheel arch, which keeps making the tyre go soft,) I sit on the sofa in our cool sitting room with a cup of tea and deflate. Like my husband's car tyre.

I come to a full stop.....so tired I can't even watch the tennis. So weary of it all.....keeping on keeping on .....being strong on top of feeling weak....as if I've lost something that would keep me upright..... I keep thinking that this kind of tiredness is not about lack of sleep but is coming from something I can't express - am afraid to express -  a sticky volcano that I won't let boil over in case I -  or someone else -  gets burnt, gets hurt. Probably the volcano of my anger.

After a while I get up and start folding the laundry...... and then I take all my wobbly tiredness and tears to my Deeksha Meditation group where I am enfolded in such loving hugs and kindnesses and empathy and offerings of wonderful support..... that I feel I could survive any volcano....knowing I'm not alone.

A thank you rose - to you all - where ever you are.