15th August 2012 Wednesday
After the wedding.....
A sense of anticlimax - hard to say goodbye to my family travelling back to their lives in other cities, other countries after our gathering together - fluttering moths round the flames of our newly weds....
Monday - I consult a lovely psychic, intuitive woman. I ask her,
‘What’s it all for - this brain disease? For my husband and for me? How do I need to be in this new circumstance? It can’t just be to suffer.’
She says - stay with the feelings of loss and rage and don’t supress them...you are much stronger than you realise and you only have to deal with each stage as it comes along, you have the resources already....the gift he has given you is that it is a slow process - you didn’t lose him all in one fell swoop and there is time to adjust....he is offering you the chance to learn to surrender and find your own power....
he must go through this journey in his own way - and he is doing it very gracefully already, he’s not fighting it, as he gradually peels back to the essence of himself....living in the present, living from his heart....without words....
I think there will be - there is already - lots of horrible practical difficult stuff to deal with but she confirms for me that there is a wide field of opium poppies somewhere, hidden in this steep and rocky landscape - and waiting for me - each open gossamer petal a fragile gift of healing for both of us.....
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